Hurt,Cut,Scar,Love
by Radiogirl12
Summary: Vanessa Grace is a foster kid who can't seem to stay with any family for long.When Dorea and Charlus Potter adopted her. She meets the Marauders as James's new sister. She goes to Hogwarts also meets everyone else. Her past has scared her from getting close to anyone or loving anyone, just like the scars on her arms. But will the Marauders help her take the risk to love?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my original characters. **

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I pulled my long black jacket sleeves so they cover my arms from anyone's view. I was sitting on the porch of the foster home, waiting for my new foster mother to pick me up. It would be my 4th new foster home in the last three months. I never stayed at my foster homes long. I always do something to leave before they get attached to me or they can't handle me or end up sending me back because I was a 'disturbed kid' as the last couple put it. I pushed a strand of my dark auburn that fell in my face because of the wind. I keep my eye on my guitar that took me so long to buy. My social worker was standing a few ten feet away from me, tapping her foot nervously. She is probably thinking they changed their minds in wanting me. Not that I would be upset if they did. I was used to being abandoned, not wanted, nobody caring about me. There was only one person in the whole world that ever did care, my mother, and she died when I was seven. A red car pulled up in front of us then. A woman got out. She had dark red hair and dark blue eyes. She was wearing a pair of gray pants, a green sweater and black low heels. She came up the steps and shook my social workers hand. They talked for a while then my worker went inside to grab the paperwork the woman had to sign. The woman held her hand out for me to shack and smiled kindly at me.

"I'm Dorea Potter and you must be Vanessa." She said. I made sure she couldn't see my arm and I shook her hand then nodded in confirmation.

"You can call me, Dorea. Charlus, my husband, had to run some errands. You'll meet him later." She was going to continue when my worker came back with the papers. Dorea signed them. When we were leaving and Dorea was putting my suitcase in the car, I told her to be careful with my guitar, my social put a hand on my shoulder and hissed, "Don't mess it up" and squeezed my shoulder with her talons, she calls nails. Dorea shut the trunk and shook hands with my worker and went to the other side of the car. I went to my side and slide into the backseat.

The ride was Dorea telling me everything I needed to know. Including that James, her son, didn't know he was getting a new sister today. She told me she and her husband knew about my past and explained she and Charlus wouldn't tell James or anyone unless I wanted to. I told her it was probably best that nobody else knew. She nodded in agreement. She also mentioned the fact that her and her family we're also indeed wizards and witches, like me. I would be attending Hogwarts for my 7th year (With James). I was going to Beauxbatons no matter who I was with and they never knew I was a witch. I got expelled last year though because one: I didn't get along with all the preppy girls(which is every girl in that school) two: I hit a lot of girls when I had enough of them(they were bicthes that always didn't get in trouble for anything and they were bullies) three: I set the potion lab on fire by 'accident'(I hate that class) and fourth: I set a three headed dog into the school (I was aiming for it to kill a girl I hate, but it only bit her everywhere it could get to before the staff got rid of it.) That was the last straw and they expelled me. I am not to go anywhere near the grounds of that school ever again. Which was fine by me, I never want to go back to that hellhole anyway. I never made any friends there either.

After a while we pulled in front of a black gate. Dorea stopped the car and took out her wand and casted a spell and they creaked open. What was behind it was covered by trees. The car started to move again and we were soon pasted the trees. I gasped silently when I saw the house, but it was more like a castle. It was three stories high, it was painted white, at every other window was a balcony, and there was ivy growing up the side of it. It was beautiful.

"We keep so many trees in front because James and his friends love to play Quidditch so we have to have something to block the view from Muggles." Dorea said smiling at me. We pulled into the gravel driveway. We got out and headed inside. The inside of the house was as grand as the outside.

"I'll show you to your room." Dorea replied.

She grabbed my suitcase and I grabbed my guitar following her up the grand staircase. She pointed out rooms to me while we passed them. She stopped at a room at the 3rd floor. She opened and gestured for me to go in. The walls were painted a pretty lavender color, there was a wardrobe in the corner, a queen sized bed in the center against the wall, and I had a balcony.

"This door leads to your own bathroom; I figured you wanted privacy being a girl." She said putting the suitcase on my new bed, then went across the room to open the door. I stood in the middle of the room looking around still. She tucked her hair behind her ear.

"I'll let you unpack. After you're done, come down stairs, everyone will be here in a few." Dorea said then left the room. I gazed around for a while then went over to my suitcase and started putting things away. I knew this wouldn't last long, and they'd figure out I wasn't going to fit into their rich family. I sat on my bed after I was done when I heard the front door open and male voices talking to Dorea. I heard some auguring, some complaints, and some nervous voices then "Vanessa, come and meet everyone!" Dorea yelled that seemed from the foo of the stairs. I took a deep breath, stood up and made sure I looked presentable, also that my arms don't show then head out of my new bedroom towards the stairs.

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**Review, please? Radiogirl12**


	2. Ch2

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my original characters. **

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I stood at the top landing hiding from view of the people I was about to meet. Dorea was talking to a man who must be her husband, Charlus. A few feet away was a boy my age that looked exactly like the man I think to be Charlus. The boy had mess black that seemed untamable, hazel eyes behind glasses that fit his appearance perfectly. He also seemed to be a lot taller than me, probably about a head taller. They seemed nervous, which made me smile a little. I pulled my sleeves down lower and headed around the corner. They stopped talking when they saw me. Dorea came and put her hands on top of my shoulders gently.

"Vanessa this is my husband, Charlus," She gestured to the man. I knew it. He smiled kindly at me. "And this son, James." She gestured to the boy, who gave a small wave.

"Nice to meet you, Vanessa." James said and held out his hand. I pulled my sleeve more down with my fingers and shook his hand, giving him a small smile. He smiled one back.

"Well, now that we're all introduced I'm going to start making supper. Charlus come help me." Dorea said and head to a door which I guess probably was the kitchen door. Charlus sighed and turned to me.

"Excuse me, I liked to chat but duty calls." He replied. He then followed his wife into the kitchen. I was alone with James now. James rubbed his neck probably not sure what to do with me. It was silent then I had enough of it and turned to the stairs to go back to my new room. I was stopped by James though.

"Do you like Quidditch, by any chance?" He asked. I turned around and nodded. He smiled.

"What's your favorite team?" He questioned.

"The Cannons." I replied. This seemed to make him smile wider.

"Then we're going to get along just fine. I always wanted a little sister." He said and put his arm around my shoulders. The last statement made me a little uncomfortable. "Come on, let's go to my room. You can tell me about yourself while I write a letter." I followed him to the third floor. His room was a few doors down from mine. His room was covered in moving Quidditch posters, and was painted the colors red and gold. He sat down at a desk next to his bed, and gestured for me to sit. I sat on the floor my legs pulled up to my chest, my arms, which were cover by my black jacket, crossed on top of my legs. I rested my chin on my arms. James dug around for a pen and paper. He was about to start writing when he looked at me.

"You don't talk much do you?" He said more like a statement than a question.

"I never have anything to say most of the time and I don't like talking about myself much." I said. Mostly he would probably act weird around me if he knew most things about me. He nodded.

"Well, how about I ask you random questions about you and you answer." He reasoned. I shrugged. He took that as a yes.

"What's your favorite color?" he asked while writing his letter.

"Purple or black." I answered.

"Favorite food?"

"Anything Chocolate."

"When's your birthday?"

"October 10th."

"Favorite position in Quidditch?"

"Chaser."

"Have you ever played Quiddicth?"

"No, my old school didn't think young ladies should play horrid game."

James spun around quickly, mouth wide open. "What school would ever think that?" He almost screamed.

"Beauxbatons." I replied bitterly.

"I am guessing then you've never rode on a broomstick." He said. I nodded.

"That is going to change quickly. Favorite animal?" He continued to and spun back around to finish writing his letter.

"A wolf." I answered.

We played like that for a while till he asked me the question I have always dreaded answering.

"What's your past story?" He asked. I stiffened.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." He said.

I was silent for a moment thinking about telling him then decided against it.

"Next question." I replied. He nodded and asked, "Do you ever take off that jacket?" I shook my head no. Even after he had finished his letter and sent it, he kept asking me questions. After a while he ran out of questions and then started to tell me about him. He was attending Hogwarts as a Gryffindor 7th year, and other things but what he liked telling me most about was his friend the other three Marauders as they called themselves. They we're the pranksters of Hogwarts. He told me about every one of them. Remus =the smart, responsible one of the group and the plan master. Peter who was away visiting his sick mum and is distancing himself from the others, this really worried James, and James's best the one the only Sirius Black. Sirius was a master pranker, always looked on the brightside of things, but only had two settings happy or angry, but I believed he had other emotions than that, and he sometimes or more than sometimes ended up staying here most of the summer. He told me about all the awesome pranks they pulled, and a girl named Lily. When he talked about her he had this dream like look on his face that caused me to laugh, and he threw a wad of paper at me, but just laughed and threw it back at him. Afterwards he somehow ended up sitting on the floor next to me.

"You're a great listener." He replied. I shrugged.

"You know you could talk once in a while." he said. I just shrugged again. He laughed. The door opened to show Dorea, who smiled at us.

"It's time for dinner, and James someone's here to see you."

James nodded. She left and James then stood up. He held his hand out to help me up. I pulled my sleeve down again with my fingers and took his hand. He smiled at me.

"I think I have a pretty good guess who's here to see me, but I think he's more of wanting to see you than me." He said, "Since I mentioned you in the letter I was writing to him." I twisted my hair around my finger upset that he did that.

"Don't look so mad, it's best you meet him sooner than later. Come on, or he'll come up here himself." James said, laughing a bit. I sighed inwardly; another person to meet and I followed James down stairs.

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**Review, please! Radiogirl12**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my original characters. **

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I was going to follow James around the corner but I grabbed his arm.

"I'll not actually that hungry, I think I'm just going to go to bed." I lied. He raised an eyebrow at me questionly.

"I'm tried. Tell everyone I'm sorry and Dorea I'm sure dinner was going to be great." I said.

He nodded then I turned around and headed to my bed room. I shut my door softly; I waited a few minutes listen to James's footsteps leave the third floor. I sighed in relief. I knew that not going down to dinner and meeting James's friend would upset everyone but … I was getting close to James already and I was only here one day. I knew I shouldn't let that happen. I was interested in seeing who wanted to meet me though so I silently walked out of my room and head down the hallway trying not to make a sound. I hid low behind the railing next to the starting of the stairs where no one could see me. At the bottom of the stairs James was talking to a boy his age. The boy was laughing along with James. He had black messy hair that seemed he always had to move out in front of his eyes. He was taller than James by two inches it seemed, but the thing that really caught my attention was his eyes. They were a stormy gray color, that I have never seen before and I have meet a lot of people.

"Where's your new sister?" The boy asked.

"She's tried and decided to go to bed early." James answered.

"Without dinner?" The boy asked.

James shook his head. "Yes, Sirius and I know what you're thinking and quit thinking about it." James said. So this is Sirius…huh.

"What am I thinking Prongs?" Sirius asked innocently. James rolled his eyes.

"You know what, and don't do it. She's not like all the other girls you've met, and she lives with me. If you break her heart I'll have to suffer for it. So that means she is off limits." James warned.

"You think so little of me. Ouch that hurts right in the heart Prongs." Sirius said placing a hand over his heart pretending to be hurt.

"Sirius I mean it. I'm going to trust you on this." James said. Sirius smiled.

"Well you see James that you trust so easily. That's why you don't suspect that your new sister has been listening to our whole conversation. Isn't that right?" He called the last part. I cursed under my breath.

"Come on I won't bite." Sirius yelled. I sighed pulled my sleeves down over my arms and stood up so they could see me.

"You might not bite, but I might." I called and headed down the stairs. I heard them laugh. "Thought you said you weren't hungry and going to bed?" James asked when I reach them.

"I am but curiosity got the best of me." I replied.

"Wow, that's two of the longest sentences I heard you use all day." James smirked at me. I shrugged.

"And there she goes shrugging again. Well Vanessa this is Sirius." He said. Sirius smiled and shook my hand.

"James I hate to say this and get punched, but you're new sister is hot." He said. James pushed him and gave him a look. Sirius held up his hands to defend himself laughing. I stiffened at the comment. Any other girl would have blushed or thanked him for the compliment but I took it as I need to be careful so he doesn't start liking me and he gets hurt or worse I get hurt again.

"Vanessa is a mouth full how about we shorten it or something; How about James?" Sirius asked. James rubbed his chin like someone deep in thought.

"I agree." James said nodding. I raised an eyebrow.

"How about V?" he asked. I shook my head.

"Nessa? Or maybe Ness?" Sirius asked.

"I like those two." James said. I smiled and nodded.

"Ah point for me a smile and liking my idea. I'm on a roll." Sirius said. I rolled my eyes.

"You just lost one of those points Padfoot." James laughed and Sirius pouted.

"I'm leaving now." I said.

"Aww don't go I have to replace the point I lost." Sirius wined. Great, it's time to mean.

"I'm fucking tried so fucking deal with it." I replied harshly, glaring at him, and I headed up the stairs. Not looking at their faces from my outburst so I don't do any I'll regret more. Before I shut my door I heard Sirius say, "James I think you won't be able to trust me on this one." Damn it. I sat on my bed and dug through my bag. I found what I was looking for and headed into the bathroom making sure to lock the door behind me. I pulled off my jacket and shirt. You could now see my wrist and some parts of my arms covered with healing cuts I made. I put the razor against my skin, then seconds later, watched the blood flow out of the new fresh cut on from my wrist not even feeling the pain. I stopped feeling the pain of it a long time ago.

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**Review, please? Radiogirl12 **


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my original characters. **

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"Nessa hurry up!" I heard the two Marauders yell up the stairs in unison. I sighed. I had been at the Potters for two weeks and they have yet to get rid of me. Yesterday Charlus took me to Hogwarts early to get sorted into a house. The hat yelled, "Gryffindor!" Before it, even went all the way on my head. James and Sirius were very happy and made a huge deal about it; I just glared at them and stomped up stairs to my room, but not without saying thanks to Charlus.

The two Marauders had gotten on my nerves and kept trying to get close to me but I won't let them, and I had to put on the mean Vanessa act, but they wouldn't get the message to leave me alone, or they did and just tried a lot more. It got to the point where I didn't acknowledge them. If I did I was rude and hurtful. It worked on James and he sometimes backed off, but Sirius just smiled and kept trying pretending he didn't hear me. Some days I slipped up and was regular old Vanessa they first met, laughed at their jokes or their silliness, smiled, talked a little, and was a lot nicer, but then one of them would say something t6o remind me that I couldn't get close or them to me and I let back mean Vanessa. I didn't like to but when they left me or broke my heart it would hurt me a little less. It was getting harder to be mean in the last few days and slipped up more. I was also getting this weird feeling around Sirius that made me even harsher around him, that of course didn't work on him. He seemed to notice my little act and it made me angry that he did. I went to the bathroom a lot and came out with a lot more scars on my arms.

One day Sirius asked me why I always wear long sleeves and my ratty old jean jacket or black hoodie every day, while I in the Potter library at the time. I glared at him and asked harshly, "Why does it concern you what I wear and what I don't?" I didn't wait for an answer and slammed the book I had and marched out of the room. I glanced in the mirror before I left and saw a girl with dark auburn hair and sad, weird looking purple blue eyes in it. I sighed again and shut the light of and closed the bathroom door. I went over to my bed and grabbed my jean jacket and put sunglasses on. I then went down stairs. James was looking nervous and excited at the same time. I knew the reason he wanted to go so quickly was that his cousin wrote him a letter that his dear Lily Evans would be at Diagon Ally today getting her supplies. His cousin knew this because she is one of Lily's best friends, who was meeting up with Lily today. Sirius smiled at me and put an arm around my shoulders.

"Took you long enough, love." He smirked. I pulled away from him.

"Don't call me that." I said glaring at him. He laughed.

"Whatever you say, love." He replied. I rolled my eyes and muttered, "I hate you." under my breath.

"I heard that, love." Sirius said chuckling. I made sure Dorea and Charlus weren't looking and flipped him off.

James laughed, and then said to his parents, "Can we leave now?" Mr. and Mrs. Potter nodded. James went to the fireplace and Flooed to Diagon Ally.

Sirius gestured a hand and said, "After you." I glared at him and Flooed to Diagon Ally after James. After everyone was there I told Dorea and Charlus I was going to get my thing myself. Charlus smiled at me and gave me some money. I said thank you and headed to the book store to get my book list and maybe more books not on the list. After a while had had everything I needed so I went to the ice cream shop. I sat at the table in the back eating death by chocolate ice cream, my favorite. When James, Sirius, another boy I didn't know and two girls I also didn't know entered the shop.

"Shit." I mumbled. Every time I feel relaxed and don't have to pretend they always come and ruin it. Sirius and James immanently saw me and came over and brought their friends with them. They pulled up chairs and surrounded me.

"What are you doing sitting all by yourself for?" James asked.

"To get away from you guys, but at last I didn't try hard enough. I'll do better next time to avoid seeing you." I said and glared at him and Sirius.

"Don't go through all that trouble doing that, love." Sirius replied smirking.

"What do you want dickhead?" I asked bitterly. I heard the two girls and the other boy sniffle laughs.

"You, love." Sirius replied without hesitation and smiled a dazzling smile that made my heart skip a beat.

"Never going to happen, dickhead." I said. He leaned forward a little.

"We'll see, love." He said, still smiling that smile. I lean forward were our faces were a few feet away, and he stiffened staring at my lips.

"Go to Hell." I said. I smiled a bitter sweet smile.

James and the others were holding their sides with laughter. I stood up and left the table and my ice cream. On the way out I heard Sirius yell after me, "I already am, love!" I slammed the shop door behind me. I started walking away when I heard the shop door open and two pairs of footsteps running after me. "Hey, wait up!" I heard a girl voice call after me. I turned around and saw the two girls running towards me.

"What?" I snapped.

"I just wanted to tell you that you are the only one of the girls of than me and Lily ever heard that has ever talked to Sirius liked that or denied him. And it was very amusing." The one on the left said. She had curl black hair and dark blue eyes to match. She had on dark washed jeans, and a cool black Guns and Roses shirt. The one on the right had vibrant red hair that was in a messy pony tail, and almond shaped green eyes. She was wearing a plain white shirt and light jeans.

"Thanks…"I said surprised. The girl with the black curly hair held out her hand to me.

"I'm Jade. James's cousin and I honestly feel bad for you having to live with him and Sirius in the same house it must be awful." Jade replied.

"I'm Vanessa. I thank you for your concern, and give you my own for being related to James; even if he's not as much as a dickhead as Sirius." I said. Jade laughed.

"And I'm Lily Evans." The red headed girl introduced herself.

"So you're the mystery Lily. James can't seem to shut up about and its very annoying sometimes. Its Lily is the most beautiful girl ever and I love how she blah, blah, blah. I'm going to marry her someday." I said mocking James's voice at the end. Lily blushed while Jade laughed harder.

"I'm sorry that was rude, and mean. I shouldn't have said it." I said. I think it's alright to be normal Vanessa.

"It's alright. I didn't take it offensive. It seems Sirius has a great interest in you." Lily smiled at me.

"Only, because he can't have me." I replied. 'That's going to have to change. 'I thought.

"Are you done shopping?" Jade asked. I nodded.

"Well we have things we still need to get, do you want to come?" Lily asked.

"Sure." I said.

I spent the rest of the time in Diagon Ally with them, after a while we started talking like we've know each other forever. We were in the familiars shop and I was petting a black kitten while Jade got some medicine for her owl, Demon, when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked, still holding the kitten, to see Charlus smiling at me.

"It's time to leave." he said.

I sighed and set the black kitten down sadly, petting its head goodbye. Charlus picked the kitten up and paid the witch at the counter. He handed the cat to me after she was paid for. I took her then did something I thought I'd never do. I hugged him tightly. He was surprised at first then hugged me back, smoothing the back of my hair. I pulled away and turned to say goodbye to Jade and Lily.

"I'll write you and maybe we could meet up before we go to school." Jade said. Lily nodded.

"That'd be great. Bye you guys." I said and left the store with Charlus.

We arrived home and I ignored the two Marauders and told Dorea and Charlus that I was tired and going to bed. They let me go but looked uncertain about it. I headed upstairs petting the black kitten I decided to call Shadow. Sirius and James followed but I slammed my door in their faces. They knocked a few times then got the message for the first time ever that I didn't want them near me. I set the kitten on my bed while I put on a purple tank top and black shorts. Then I curled up in bed next to Shadow, her soft fur brushing against my bare, scared arms. While I was falling asleep, I thought 'I think maybe this time will be different from the others. There's only one way to find out.'

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**Review, please! Radiogirl12 **


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my original characters. **

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I slammed my trunk shut, grumbling to myself, "I don't want to get on a stupid train and go to stupid Hogwarts where Sirius and James (well mostly Sirius) won't leave me alone and be dickheads."

Today I was leaving for Hogwarts. Ever since Diagon Ally Sirius had been getting under my skin more and by noon the plan to be normal Vanessa flew out the window. I was nice Vanessa with Dorea and Charlus. Anyone else that lived in this horrid house, mean Vanessa let out her claws. One time I threw Shadow, my kitten Charlus bought me, at Sirius's face and scratched it up pretty badly. I picked up Shadow afterwards and headed up stairs to my bed room, when I got there; I felt guilty but took the pain away the guilt by getting my razor and headed into the bathroom.

It was getting harder to be a bicth to Sirius; it made me hate him more. I hate him, his smile, his eyes, his voice, his laugh, his existence, I hate him. The way he just smiles when I do something to try and make him hate me and give up, made me want to hate him more but it was the very same thing that made hating him impossible, that made my heart skip a few beats, that made me gasp silently, and take what all I said back. I felt weird whenever he was around and it made me hate him for making me feel this way. I hide these feelings and got rid of them for only a few moments with my razor. My razor numbed the pain of hiding those horrid feelings away. I felt like screaming but instead I wrote my feelings down as songs in my song journal. I sang and played my guitar when I was sure everyone was out of the house, but one day Dorea came home early and heard me, but didn't say anything to me, just smiled, clapped and went into her study smiling. I sighed and put on my black hoddie and picked up Shadow. Charlus was coming up the stairs to get me probably when I walked out.

"I'll get your trunk and meet you down stairs." He said. I smiled and nodded thanks. I went down stairs to see everyone waiting. Sirius smiled, great.

"What took you so long? I would be jumping in excitement to finally get to be going to Hogwarts." He said. I glared and him then smiled.

"Well thankfully I'm not you. I see your face doesn't have any more scratches', to bad. I needed a good laugh." I said wanting to flinch at my harsh tone. He frowned a little, and was about to comeback at me when Charlus came down stairs with my trunk.

"Everyone ready?" He asked.

We all nodded then Flooed to platform 9 and three quarters to meet the Hogwarts Express.

Awhile later

I had said goodbye to Charlus and Dorea after they helped me put my trunk up and headed onto the train, Sirius and James losing me in the crowd. I headed to an empty compartment and shut all the blinds on the door and curled up next to the window. It was peaceful till the train pulled out of the station and I could hear James and Sirius and other people talking opening and closing compartments looking for me. I groaned inwardly when they opened my door. Sirius sat straight across from me, James next to him, and the other boy from the ice cream shop next to him, and after him the girls, Jade and Lily, came in and sat next to me.

"Trying to hide, huh?" Jade asked.

"You can't blame a girl from trying." I said. She shook her head fondly. Sirius cleared his throat. I turned my head at him glaring.

"What, dickhead?" I snapped. He smiled at me unfazed. I think my heart skipped a beat.

"We wanted to introduce the third member of the Marauders, since you abruptly left last time, love." He replied.

"Don't call me that, I swear next time I'll hex you." I warned. He pretended that I hadn't said anything.

"This is Remus Lupin, love. Remus this is our dearest Vanessa." He introduced the other boy. He smiled at me and waved. I wasn't paying attention though, because Sirius had called me 'love' again. I grabbed Lily's book she was reading and threw it at his head. Sirius dodged at the last minute, and the book hit the seat right where his head had been. He turned to Remus smiling.

"Lovely isn't she?" he asked Remus, amused. I glared at him. Remus laughed.

"Go shag another one of your sluts, Black." Jade stood up and leaned over him, and snapped at Sirius. Sirius turned his head to look at Jade, and stood also, towering over her.

"Why don't you shag one of yours?" He snapped. Jade winced away with a clam expression, but you can tell she was hurt by the look in her eyes. I didn't notice what I did till it was over. I had stood up and punched Sirius in the jaw.

"Why are you such an asshole?" I sneered. The compartment was silent, in surprise. He turned to look at me and touched his bleeding, split lip with a few fingers shocked. He stared at me with his gray eyes and didn't answer. I started to glare back, and then I saw the hurt in his eyes and cringed inwardly, feeling like I had just stabbed myself. I backed away and left the compartment as fast as my black combat boots would let me, with tears in my eyes.

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**Review, please? Radiogirl12 **


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my original characters. **

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I ran to the end of the train knocking over students. I found an empty compartment and stared out the window silent tears rolling down my cheeks. I felt like jumping through the window, hoping to die on impact but didn't. I had no idea why I felt this way. Sirius deserved that punch but I felt like screaming when I saw the look in his gray eyes. It knocked the breath out of me. I have punched many people more than I'd like to admit, and never felt a twinge of sympathy for it or felt upset about it. Before I found out I was a witch I went to normal muggle schools till I was 14. I was shy, dress in black, listened to weird music mind, mind own business kind of girl, and was called depressed, emo, (well that's kind of true) mentally insane, criminal, (I have done things to be called that but I only start after they started calling me it.) and slut or a whore (mostly in wizarding schools for the last two). I hate bullies and anything of the sort. I guess when Sirius said that to Jade it made me snap for past memories. Jade shouldn't have said it to him also, but what she said was true from what I've heard and he had no reason to say it to her. When I hit Sirius though I felt as if… I had just hit myself and I wanted to apologize and take it all back. I hated that feeling. What is he doing to me? I wanted to find my trunk and just numb it, make it disappear for a few moments, but I knew I couldn't. I would have to endure it. I sat down on the seat my knees pulled to my chest.

My mind was clouded with thoughts I almost didn't notice Lily slip in and sit across from me, almost. We sat in silence for a few moments then she said, "We should change into our robes." I looked at her and nodded. She was the only one other than Dorea, and Charlus that knew about my past.

From one of the days I was over at her house. We went into town for her mother and saw one of my old foster sisters aka a bicth who knew everything about me. I lived with that girl a few days after it happened and her rich no good parents told her everything. She smirked and called me out and called me a slut and freak. I ignored her and Lily was at the other end of the store a few feet away. I keep ignoring her till the little bicth said, "_Have you seen your mom and dad lately? Oh yeah your mom's not living anymore, well how about your dad? I bet you have, haven't you? Did you enjoy round two or is it even round two_?" I had tackled the bicth to the ground and was beating the shit out her with tears rolling down my face. Lily and the people who worked at the store had to drag me off her kicking and screaming. Afterwards Lily sat with me at a park bench and demanded to know what happened. I told her what the bicth said and she didn't pry into what she meant. Later in her bedroom I broke down crying and told her what the bicth meant.

Lily was the only person I could talk to. I sighed from where I sat next to her, when the train stopped.

"We're here." Lily said and stood up from her seat.

"Jade isn't mad or anything if she was any feelings about it she is grateful, The Marauders …that's maybe another story who knows what they think about or what they'll do when they see you." She continued. I sighed again.

"I don't want to face Sirius. I want to sit here and head back to London with this train." I muttered under my breath hoping she wouldn't hear me, but Lily has radar ears. I didn't want to see the hurt and anger in those gray eyes or worse.

"I'm sorry but that's not going to happen…but I can take you to the common room and show you too the girl's dormitory then head down to the feast." She said. I stood up and hugged her.

"Thank you." I replied into her red hair.

"Yeah, yeah… Come on." She laughed.

I followed her out off the train, both trying to avoid the Marauders. I was mostly trying to avoid the one I had mixed feelings about, the rest I could probably handle. We hopped on to a carried and headed up to the school. Lily and I snuck, well I followed Lily not knowing where I was going, up some flights of stairs and Lily muttered a password to a portrait of as fat lady in pink and entered the room I suppose was the common room. She showed me the dormitory and I collapsed on what was my bed for the next 11 months.

"Well I'm going to dinner. I'll be up in a while and Jade too. And the other roommates." Lily said and headed down the stairs and glanced back before she headed around the corner. I closed my eyes and let out a long breath.

She probably thinks I'm unstable and she shouldn't leave me up here by myself. Well she's right. I let Shadow out of her cage and headed to my trunk. I ruffled through my things and found my savoir. I went into the girl's bathroom, locking the door and made three new fresh cuts on both my arms. I cleaned up the red mess afterwards and headed back to my bed. I put on my pajamas that cover my arms and laid there staring at the ceiling thinking 'I am so glad its Friday and I don't have to go to classes till Monday.'

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**Review, Please? Radiogirl12 **


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my original characters. **

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I woke up the next morning at 7:00 am. I knew the Marauders (well mostly Sirius and James) didn't wake up till 8 or 9. So I figured it was alright to leave and hide somewhere till Lily and Jade wake up and ask one of them to show me the library. I put on some jeans, black long sleeved shirt, my combat boots and my ratty old jean jacket and sneaked out of the dormitory quietly not wanting to wake anyone up.

I entered the common room and saw only a few people were awake and hurried out the port hole. I knew where the entrance to the school was from entering last night and headed outside. It was refreshing, the morning air. I headed down to the lake and sat against a tree. There was another tree, a willow, but it moved swinging warningly when I approached it so I went to find another spot to sit and found this tree. I sat at the bottom of that tree staring at the water like I was in a daze. Other students walked by enjoying the sun later during the day, but didn't bother me. I sat there for a long time, thoughts all pounding against my skull. I shook my head in annoyance of them. I heard close laughter and taunting voices awhile away, but didn't think anything of it till I recognized three of the voices.

"Stop it! What has he done to you?" I heard one of them ask cruelly.

"He called you that horrid name and he's a Deatheater in the process." One of the voices I knew said.

"What about you?" the first voice asked another.

"He exists that's all I need." That voice is what made my blood run cold and my eyes see red. I stood and looked behind the tree.

About 20 yards away Lily stood hands on her hips with a furious look on her face, James with his wand out pointed to another student that looked our age with black hair that looked like it hasn't been washed in years smirking, the student I didn't know was hanging upside down in the air his wand I think is his on the ground and had his mouth zipped shut with a spell, and the last person stood there smirking also wand out and his gray eyes sparkling with amusement. I stomped over ignoring the fact that two of those people I was avoiding or was trying to anyway.

I was a foot away and crossed my arms over my chest and said with harshness clear in my tone, "I hate the fact you exist Sirius but I'm not making you float up in the air upside down!" They turned towards me surprised. Sirius smiled brightly at me, and my heart did summersaults but I ignored it.

"No, love you aren't. You're doing worse than that." He said. I glared pushing down my arising feelings.

"You know there's one thing I hate more than you though. Do you know what it is?" I asked a bitter sweet tone in my voice. James shook his head.

"No, you don't. Well Sirius why don't you take a guess." I continued.

"I don't know, love. I hate guessing games." He answered. His gray eyes not leaving me for a second. If I wasn't so pissed off I would be fidgeting nervously.

I pulled out my wand and said loud and clearly, "Bullies."

I muttered a curse and sent them flying into the lake with a splash. The student flew towards the ground and I sent him down slowly with a flick of my wand. He stood up and grabbed his wand swiftly nodded thanks and headed back up to the castle.

"Well that was rude of him." I huffed. Lily was on the ground laughing holding her side shacking, when she saw the two Marauders get out of the water soaked from head to toe. I chuckled a little too till they reached us.

"You think that's this is funny." Sirius said.

"A little bit. Why you don't?" I asked smiling sweetly. Sirius looked down and smirked.

"No I don't but I think this is." He said and smiled. My eyes widened. Him and James then tackled me and soaked me a little. "Get off!"I yelled panicked when I felt my sleeves rising where you could see my arms. James got off but Sirius threw me over his shoulder and headed to the lake laughing when I hit or kicked him.

"Don't you dare Sirius Black!"I screamed.

"Alright I'll make you a deal. I'll let you down if you apologize." He said. I groaned.

"Why should I? You were the one who was tormenting that student. I just stopped it." I said.

"Alright, how about you give me a chance to change your opinion on me and I won't throw you into the lake." He suggested. I laughed, and tugged at my sleeves to keep my arms covered.

"You mean change how I think you're the most biggest dickhead, asshole and jerk of all time. I don't think that could be changed." I said. He laughed again.

"You have the most colorful language; don't you ever grow tired of it?" Sirius replied. We were now 5 yards away from the lake.

"No I don't. Do you get tired of hearing it?" I asked. I could image the smile on his face when I said this.

"Give me a chance, love. I promise not to mess it up too much, but if you want to get wet that's fine." He said and took a step towards the water. I bit my lip. I only have a few months until I was going to turn seventeen, a week before I graduate from Hogwarts, then I can leave and be on my own and can't get broken or got rid of. If I can survive till then I'll be fine. I made a quick decision then.

"Alright." I said.

Sirius stopped walking. "What was that love?" He asked surprise clear in his voice.

"Alright, I'll give you a chance only one, but if you ruin it you stay away from me." I said. Sirius set me down. In his expression it was clear he didn't expect me to agree so quickly.

"Whatever you say, love." He smiled at me and I noticed a cut on his lower lip.

"Good. What's that cut on your lower lip?" I asked.

"It seems you throw a good punch." he replied smirking.

Oh god I forgot all about punching him yesterday. I shrugged and touched the mark with my fingers softly. Sirius looked at them and then looked at me with his gray eyes. I looked back in them with my purple ones. I felt my heart stop at the look in them. I removed my fingers and pushed my hair out of my face and walked away. I knew that this one chance thing was a bad idea but I have nothing to lose. After I graduate I'm leaving far away from here and my past, if I survive this first. I also had the urge to find my razor. I could almost see Sirius smile at me while I walked away and under all my doubt there was a feeling that this was the best decision I've ever made.

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**Don't be mad! I know I haven't updated in a while and that's because I had to take exams and didn't have time. I'll have tons of free time now because my summers are very boring and lazy so I'll update soon tomorrow or the next day. And thanks to the people who read my story even after the long wait!Review please! Radiogirl12 **


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my original characters.**

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Okay, so maybe I was wrong about that being the best decision I've ever made. Sirius and I can't go a week without fighting about something, about stupid things mostly. We're almost as bad as Lily and James sometimes. The most recent fight was this morning. He came to me at lunched and apologized and I gave him another chance. I always did, no matter how much I wanted not too. I couldn't help it. He looked at me with those gray eyes and my anger melted away. Every time this happened I would make up an excuse to find my razor and I'd pay for it then. I was currently sitting in the library reading a book, for information about the Unforgivables for my DAD essay. Since I didn't really pay attention to the class yesterday because I was too busy not trying to fall asleep. I have been having a lot of nightmares lately or memories as they could be called. Sirius entered and sat across from me at the table. I looked up noticed his presence then went back to my book. He kept staring at me, making me fidget uncomfortably. I set my book down on the table marking my place. I crossed my arms and leaned towards him.

"Do you need something, Sirius?" I asked. He copied me and smiled.

"Nope." He said still smiling that smile. My heart skipped a beat but I ignored it.

"Well can you quiet staring at me then? I can't concentrate." I said picking my book up. He shrugged. I rolled my eyes and went back to my book. A few minutes later he started to tap his foot. I stiffened.

_Tap_.

_Tap_.

_Tap_.

_Tap_… I drifted into to a memory I wanted to forget along with others…

_A woman with dark auburn hair was standing above the sink washing the dishes quickly. I stood next to her quietly listening to the rushing water, as she passed me a plate to dry. As I dried it, I felt him staring at me taping his foot and I felt goose bumps cover my arms. Once I was done drying the plate I walked over to the cupboard where it went, shakily. I went past him; he was still taping his foot and looked at me with cold icy blue eyes. I stumbled and dropped the plate. It fell to the tile floor and shattered into tiny pieces. I heard mommy's breathing catch. He grabbed me by the arm and threw me towards the floor knocking the breath out of me. He leaned over me. His breath husky and smelt like beer._

_ "Now look what you did you little brat. That was an expensive glass plate." he said then kicked me in the stomach with his steel toe boots. Mommy was trying to tell him to stop and pull him away from me, but he slapped her and punched her in the stomach then threw her away from him. She landed on the floor away from me. He started to kick me again. When he finally stopped he pushed his hair out of his face then muttered, "Clean it up you worthless piece of shit." Then went over to the fridge got another can of beer and went into the living room. Mommy moved over to me and sang a soothing song as I cried. _

I jerked back into reality and yelled, "Stop it!" at the top of my lungs. Everyone in the library looked at me. Sirius stopped. I swallowed. I grabbed my book, hurriedly put it into my bag and almost ran out of the library leaving them all in shock of my outburst, especially Sirius. Once the door was shut I ran, my combat boots echoing through the stone walls. I turned the corner and stopped. I put my back against the wall and dropped my bag which landed on the floor with a 'thud'. I let a few tears escape from my eyes as I thought of the song she sung every time it was over and that always has haunted me forever. I stood there for a minute then heard footsteps coming my way. I wiped the stray tears away before they could see them. I had the sudden urge to cut. So I grabbed my bag and headed toward the common room.

I made it to the dormitory without anyone seeing me, but maybe that's because it's in the middle of classes. I was in the library for my break and I was currently missing my DAD class. Thank god the essay is due Monday and not today. I still looked to see if anyone was in the dorm. Not a single soul was here but me. Since it was safe I took off my robes, then my long-sleeved shirt to expose the black tank-top I was wearing and the cuts that covered my arms. I had more on my stomach but some of those I didn't do. I flinched at the thought of how I got them. I headed to my trunk and found my razor. I went into the bathroom and sat on the counter and made a new cut. I felt relived after I did it. The blood started to drip off my arm so I turned on the faucet and put my arm under it. I then looked up at the mirror. I saw a girl with auburn hair and bluish purple eyes looking at me, but there was another girl in the mirror staring at the auburn haired girl. The girl had vibrant red hair and her normal green eyes were wide with shock from what I was doing.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my original characters. **

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"Shit." I cursed under my breath and turned towards Lily. I plastered on an innocent expression and smile on my face even though I knew it was hopeless. She had caught me red handed or red armed.

"Hey, Lils what's going on?" I said. She shook her head at me and came over and grabbed my arms so she could see them.

"Don't play innocent with me Vanessa! Is this why you cover your arms? Why on earth do you cut yourself?" She said while examining my arms. I sighed there was no point in lying to her. She pretty much knew everything anyway.

"Yes it is. I do it to make myself feel better. Now stop fussing over me." I said. I pulled away from her and grabbed a towel and stopped the bleeding and got into one of the cabinets and wrapped my arm up. As I did I asked Lily why she wasn't in DAD.

"I was when Professor Jones asked me to find you when you didn't show up. I saw your robes on your bed and heard movement in here. I came in and saw you…you…"She stuttered. Once I was done, I looked at her.

"It's alright you don't have to say it." I said. I put my hands on her shoulders and looked her in the eyes.

"Lily please don't tell anyone. I trust you enough not to. You are the only person here that knows about my past other than Dorea and Charles and maybe Dumbledore. Please?" I begged. She looked at me seriously. It was silent for a few minutes.

"I'm not going to tell." She said. I let out a breath of relief. I hugged her and let go of her with a small, grateful smile on my face.

"Thank you, you're best friend anyone could ask for. Thank you." I breathed.

"But when the time comes you owe me." She said looking at me with a pointed look. I nodded.

"Anything."

She nodded also and then a hit of a smile appeared on her face. "Sirius was worried when you didn't show for class. He told me what happened in the library. I wanted to see what made you yell and he was upset when he didn't get picked to find you." My heart dropped at the thought of Sirius being upset he wasn't picked, but my mind was think 'thank god it was Lily and not him. I'd be in a hell of trouble'.

"He was being a great friend that's all." I said and headed back into the dorm. I looked at my watch and saw it was dinner, so I put my shirt back on and not my robes. I knew she saw my expression of disappointment, but I didn't feel like admitting the thought of it to her.

"Oh come on you know how much you would have loved it if he came to find you." She said smiling. I sighed.

"Maybe. If it weren't for the fact that I was cutting myself at that moment he would have found me." I said. She shrugged.

"True but don't deny you'd loved it and you love him." She said smiling.

"I regret telling you and I take back saying you were the best friend anyone could ask for." I said. She stuck her tongue out at me.

"Very childish, Lils. He probably doesn't feel the same way." I muttered under my breath, but she heard it anyway.

"Whatever, you say." Lily said smirking

"Lily don't make me bring up-"I started.

"Alright, alright." Lily said smirking. I ran my hands through my hair and straightened my black shirt. Lily put her hair in a messy ponytail.

"What made you reacted like that in the Library today with Sirius?" She asked.

"He was tapping his foot and I remembered one of the days my father…well you know." I said knowing she wouldn't ask more about it.

"Oh. I'm hungry, let's go." She said and we headed to the Great Hall arm in arm.

We walked into the Hall and headed to the Gryffindor table. Lily spotted seats in front of Sirius and James. Lily acted as though she didn't like James in public but I knew for a fact that she likes him. She told me but she isn't going to date him till he didn't act like a prat. She sat in front of him leaving me to sit in front of Sirius. I rolled my eyes at her behavior and sat down. Dumbledore then stood up and said, "Tuck in." He's weird and loves Lemon drops but I like him. I grabbed the pitcher of water and poured some in my glass.

"So Vanessa what happened to you earlier?" James asked but his eyes were focused on Lily.

"I decided to skip it and take a nap since I haven't slept well lately." I said without hesitation. He and Sirius didn't look convinced.

"Are you sure?" Sirius asked. I looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

"I think I would know if I took a nap, Sirius." I said. He and James looked at each other. James turned back to me and opened his mouth to say something but Jade beat him to it.

"How about you, guys? After Lily left you both disappeared." She said. Lily stopped pouring pumpkin juice into her drink and looked at the two Marauders with disbelief and anger.

"Tell me I'm wrong and you didn't do it." She asked venom in her voice. Sirius's expression stayed the same but James's looked guilty. My heart was skipping beats.

"What did you do?" I asked. They didn't answer. Lily was shaking with anger.

"Lily? Someone better tell me now." I asked.

"I can't believe you both." She seethed. Sirius then chose to open his mouth.

"What if she was attacked or something and you needed help? Were we supposed to sit there and worry all class long?" He said.

Anger shown on his face, clearly as Lily's did. James was a little mad also you could see hints of it in his hazel eyes. Everyone in the Hall was now staring at us including the teachers. Then it hit me. They knew about my cutting. They somehow left class and followed Lily to the dorm bathrooms and saw me like she did, arm under the facet and a bloody razor in my other hand and heard the conversation afterwards.

"Sirius, tell me you didn't." I whispered. He looked at me anger fading in his gray eyes, but there was a hint of hurt and sadness in them, and I knew.

"Come on, Vanessa." Lily said. She stood and put a hand on my shoulder glaring at them. I looked at him filled with hurt, shock and embarrassment and then glared at him then at James. I stood up and left the Hall with Lily. When we were a good ways away Lily kicked a suit of armor. She started cursing them under her breath and was fuming.

"Lily." I said. She kept on.

"Lily." I yelled.

She turned to me and her eyes softened as she saw the tears growing in my eyes. She wrapped her arms around me. We stood there in silence for a while I calmed down my emotions.

"Come on. You can stay with me tonight." She said. Her arm was around my shoulder and she pulled me towards the Heads Common room. She said the password and the portrait swung open. She and James were Headboy and Headgirl so they got their own rooms, study room and common room. I sat down as she went to the built in kitchen. She made hot chocolate, gave me a cup filled with marshmallows and one for herself. Then we headed to her room.

"You can borrow some of my pjs and tomorrows Saturday so we don't have classes. So you can wear some of my regular clothes." She said and smiled at me. I looked at her.

"Thank you Lily, but you don't have to do this." I said.

"Nonsense, what are best friends for?" She teased.

I smiled and grabbed the clothes she handed me. I went into the bathroom and got dressed and she got dressed in her room. We sat down after ward and ate some candy Lily had stashed in her room. We were laughing about the time she had cursed James on fire when we heard the common room portrait open.

"Come on, Lily will be with Vanessa in the Gryffindor tower, so we don't have to worry about getting cursed into oblivion." We stopped laughing immanently.

"Payback time." She whispered and put a finger to her mouth and motioned for her to follow her. We headed to the corner of the stairs where they couldn't see us. I heard one of them sit on the couch and the other go to the armchair.

_James Pov. _

I sat in the arm chair in me and Lily's Common room. Sirius was sitting on the couch, head in his hands. We both felt bad for following Lily under the invisibility cloak. What we saw made my heart stop. In the girls dormitory bathroom Vanessa sat on the counter with her arm under the facet. We had seen her make the cut on her arm and saw all the cuts and scars on every inch of her arms. Then heard her beg Lily not to tell anyone, heard her feelings about Sirius and what happen in the Library. Sirius really wanted to show his self when he heard her feelings but I pulled him back shaking my head. We followed them out and took a passageway to make dinner before they did. It hurt how Vanessa didn't trust us with this, and whatever her past was. Sirius felt the most sorry though. I felt bad too and upset that I made Lily angry with me.

"Prongs?" I heard him ask.

"Yes Padfoot?" I replied.

"I'm going to apologize and tell her…"He stopped but I knew what he meant. He liked her also, probably more. Maybe even love.

"Me too but we might want to wait till morning. So we can let Lily cool down. She won't even let us get 20 feet of Nessa tonight." I said. He looked up at me, and nodded. We sat in silence for a few minutes.

"How do you do it?" Sirius asked. I looked at him confused.

"How do I do what?" I questioned. He leaned back into the couch and pushed his hair out of his face.

"Love, Lily." He said. I looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

"I mean how can, you carry on loving her when she won't even give you the time of day and curses you to no end. How do you carry on loving her?" He asked. I sighed.

"Well I love her. I love that temper she has and sure, I hate being on the end of her curses, but I endure it because I hope that one day she'll change her mind, and if she dose I'll be waiting for her. If she doesn't, I'll still love her with everything I have and leave her alone. Just like you got a cat thrown in your face, even got punched, and suffered Vanessa's temper all because you love her." I said. He looked away from me and at the fire.

"Sirius, I've seen the way you look at her. I know that look because I look at Lily that way every day. You are the luck one though, because she loves you back." I said. He carried on staring at the fire. He sighed after a while.

"Not anymore I blew it. She probably hates me and you too." He said.

"I don't think so. I think she'll forgive. If you tell her and if that doesn't work then her loss." I said, "At least she'll know you love her and will always be there for her. That's all you can do, mate." I stood up and stretched.

"Well I'm going to bed. We might be enduring cruses tomorrow so better get some rest. You're welcome to sleep here if you want." I said. He nodded and I headed towards my room.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my original characters. **

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_Lily's Pov. _

I heard James stand up and stretch, and I froze.

"Crap." I muttered. I looked at Vanessa who looked like she was in a daze. I shook her arm. She jerked and looked at me. I pointed to the joining staircase that lend to James room. Realization appeared in her eyes. He'd have to pass us to get to his room.

"Alright I'm going out there and you sneak back into my room. I'll be up in a sec." I whispered and stepped out before she could protest.

"You know you shouldn't just assume, you should actually check." I said and James stopped mid-step.

"I mean you have that map thing and you don't even use it and just assume." I continued, trying not to laugh at their expressions. I went over to Sirius and keeled in front of him.

"Don't worry she's asleep in my room and didn't hear a thing, and before you speak two thing. One; I won't tell her, because that's your job and two; James is right she'll forgive you and big head over there. She always does." I smiled at him. I stood up, went over to James, and crossed my arms over my chest. He opened his mouth to speak; his hazel eyes looked at me. It was that look that made the feelings I've been ignoring since the end of last year take control. I stood on my tip toes and kissed him. At first he didn't kiss me back shocked then his lips moved with mine. I pulled back.

"Hogsmeade trip tomorrow, 8:30 don't be late." I said and turned on my heel and went back up the stairs smirking.

_Vanessa's Pov. _

I waited for Lily at the top of the stairs. When she appeared I shook my head at her and said, "You didn't even let the poor boy speak, but I think he enjoyed that kiss better." She rolled her green eyes at me.

"Oh shut it." She said and pulled me into the room. I laughed then it faded. The events of earlier replayed in my mind. Sirius loves me. Why in hell would he love me? There's nothing special about me. I'm mentally scared, I have a cutting problem, I have trust issues, a past that I wished never happen or that I didn't exist. I actually tried to commit suicide a couple of times. I'm not pretty at all; I even have scars on every inch of my arms, and stomach. Some I didn't even do. Lily swung her head at me her green eyes blazing. Crap I said that out loud.

"That not true. You're so pretty Vanessa. Even with all the scars on you. Sirius is better than most guys. He's not going to judge you because of your past. He loves the Vanessa that calls him every awful name she knows, that doesn't fall for his charm and throws herself at him, that told him to go to hell, that threw her cat in his face, punched him for insulting one of her friends, that threw him into the Black lake on her first day here, the one that gave him a chance to change her opinion on him, that makes him laugh, and forgives him for whatever he did wrong. He fell in love with you." Lily said.

"He'd treat me different and might not even like me anymore if he knows my past. He'll change his mind. I've been hurt too many times I don't think I could take it if he hurts me." I replied. Her expression softened a little.

"Sure he doesn't know your past like I do, and if you tell him and he decides he doesn't want you because of it, he can rot in Azkaban for the rest of his stupid life." She said, "But if I know Sirius he isn't like that and if he does hurt you. I'll curse him to death then go to Azkaban. You better visit me often in that place too." I laughed, and then sighed.

"Alright I'll visit you but no more than two hours." I said. She smiled knowing she won.

"Good now let's get to bed. I have a date." Lily said and yawned.

_The Next Day… _

"Do I look alright?" Lily asked nervously and smoothed her hair. I rolled my eyes.

"You've me that asked a hundred times already. The answer is still yes. Relax." I said. It's funny how I'm telling her to relax and it's not the other way around, but I'm not the one with the date. I looked at myself in the mirror. My hair was in loose waves on my shoulders, I had on a black long shelved shirt, dark washed jeans, and my black combat boots. Lily stuck her tongue out and then took a deep breath.

"Okay let's go before I change my mind." She said and pulled me out of her room. During breakfast we didn't see the Marauders. So I have yet to see Sirius and I was thankful. I had no Gryffindor courage at the moment, and doubted I would anytime soon. We came back to her room and got ready to leave, well she did. I was going to finish that DA essay that I didn't finish in the Library. Well that's what Lily thinks I'm doing. I'm probably going to roam the castle or sit by the lake. We made it to where Lily was meeting James. I stopped and pulled Lily with me when I saw Sirius with James. He looked like he was laughing at James being nervous as Lily is. Lily looked at me.

"This is where you leave and I go back to do that essay. Good luck and don't kiss too much. Won't want to scar everyone for life would you?" I said. She hit me but had a small smile on her face.

"Seriously go and have a great time." I said and nudged her around the corner. She smiled at me and went to meet James. I stood there for a second and headed back to the Gryffindor Common room. I made it to the portrait and muttered the password and went into the girl's dorm. I sat on my bed wishing I could have brought my guitar with me. I sighed. I looked at my bag that held the paper I need to finish. I sighed again and reached for it, when I saw movement through the window. I walked over and opened it when I saw what it was. A white owl came in and landed on my shoulder. I took the letter that had my name wrote on it. It flew off my shoulder and back outside and flew where I couldn't see it anymore. I opened the letter.

_ Meet me at the Quidditch Pitch in 15 minutes. Someone told me you didn't know how to ride a broom. _

I recognized the hand writing immanently. My heart beat sped up while doing summersaults. I took a deep breath. I folded it and put it in my pocket. I ran my fingers threw my hair and headed out of Gryffindor Tower without thinking about what I was going to say or what was going to happen or anything. I just fasted walked out of the Tower, down the stairs, through the doors of the castle and towards the Quidditch Pitch with as much courage I could gather to meet the writer of the letter, Sirius Black.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my original characters. **

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I rubbed my hands together nervously and took a deep breath as I entered the Quidditch Pitch. I had been to the Pitch once before and that was to watch a match because Sirius begged me to come watch him play. I smiled a little at the memory of him on his knees that morning at breakfast. I like quidditch but I didn't feel like watching it in the rain, but I did because he looked at me with his stormy gray eyes and asked me. Now he had sent me a letter asking me to meet him here. This time I had no clue why I doing it. I walked onto the green field. Even in early October it was healthy and green as the first time I walked on it, celebrating that Gryffindor had won its first match of the season. Sirius had picked me up and swung me around in the excitement of winning say I was his good luck charm. I then spotted him. He was lying on the grass, wearing a black t-shirt, and dark jeans, arms crossed under his head looking up at the storm sky. His hoodie was thrown to the side forgotten. It looked like it was going to rain soon. I hope it doesn't ruin Lily and James's date. I couldn't help but notice that the storm clouds matched the color of his eyes. I walked over and squat down next to him. He looked up at me. Yep, the clouds matched his eyes.

"Hey." He said and the corner of his lips turned up a little. "Hey" I breathed and pushed my hair behind my ear. He patted the ground next to him and said teasingly, "Come on I won't bite." I fought back a smile. I remembered the first day I meet him. I was hiding and he somehow saw me and called the same thing as he said now.

"I might. I'm supposed to be mad at you." I replied but laid down next to him.

"Key word 'supposed'." He said. I fought back another smile.

"So you've invited me here to stare at the sky? How intriguing." I said. He looked at me and smiled.

"It is actually, every other minute or so lighting flashes in the clouds." No sooner had he said that lighting flashed across the sky.

"Do you like thunder storms?" He asked. I looked at him and saw he was already looking at me. His gray eyes seemed to swirl along with the clouds.

"Yes. Do you?" I looked away from him and back at the clouds as thunder rumbled. "Sometimes, I mostly like the calm and silence before it actually storms. Listen." He answered. I felt his gaze turn back to the sky. I looked at him. His black hair was falling slightly over his closed eyes. At that moment I memorized every inch of his face, the curve of his dark eyebrows, his lips, his chin, eyes and cheekbones every inch. He opened his eyes and I turned away.

"Vanessa?" He asked softly.

"Mmmm." I turned back to look at him and my eyes met his. He sat up and looked down at me. My heart quickened a little.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. I reached for his hand and held it tightly.

"You're forgiven." I said. Lighting flashed across the sky. We were silent for a few minutes then he looked at me and smiled that smile.

"So you've never rode a broom?" He asked.

"Nope." I replied and looked at him. He mocked gasped.

"That's a crime. You should be punished for this misdeed." He said with a look of horror on his face. I laughed.

"Misdeed? Really ?" I asked. He shrugged.

"It sounded good." He answered. I smiled.

"Ah there's that beautiful smile of yours." He said. I looked at him. He pushed a stray hair out of my face. Thunder rumbled through the sky. He stood up and held his hand out to me. I grabbed it. He helped me stand up and then asked, "Do you trust me?" Still holding his hand he lend me to a shed.

"Why do I feel like that's a trick question?" I replied. He just smiled. He let go of my hand and opened the shed and grabbed a broom. He laughed when my eyes widened. He got on his broom and hover a few inches off the ground.

"Get on." He said. Lighting flashed across the sky again.

"Are you crazy?" I asked hands on my hips. He smiled wider.

"Just a little, I thought you would have noticed already. Back to the original question, do you trust me?" He replied. I looked at him, to the broom, the storm sky and back at him.

"I trust you." I said. I grabbed his hand and got on the broom. I wrapped my arms around his waist and gave a shriek he flew higher and higher away from the ground. He laughed. My chin rested on his shoulder. After loops and flying through the storm clouds, he finally lower back to the ground. He lowered it were I could get down but I didn't make any movements to get down and just held on to him tighter.

"Time to get down, love." He said.

"Can't we stay up there a little longer?" I complained. He unlaced my arms from his waist and got off the broom. I sighed and let him help me off. I stumbled.

"Careful." He laughed. He had caught me and now his hands rested on my waist and my hands on his chest.

"Sorry." I whispered. My heart was racing a thousand beats per second. He leaned a little closer.

"It's alright. Everyone gets dizzy the first time off…"He whispered. He leaned down, his breath tickled my face. His lips were an inch or less than an inch away from mine.

"Why are we whispering?" I whispered. He smiled and leaned a little closer.

"I don't know." He whisper and leaned down. His lips barely touched mine when rain started to pour, soaking us. We moved apart and started laughing. I have no idea why I was laughing. I was standing in a field getting soaked and getting mud on my combat boots but at that moment I didn't care. He grabbed my hand. We raced out of the Pitch smiling like crazy stopping only for a second to grab his hoddie. We stopped under the tree next to the lake.

I let go of his hand and leaned against the tree, catching my breath. He stood a foot away from me smiling at me. My shirt was clinging to me and my now damp hair was everywhere. We meet gazes and we both started laughing again. He pushed my wet hair out of my face and stare at me with his stormy eyes. My laugh faded. At that moment I was lost in his eyes then suddenly I felt his lips come crashing down on mine. His fingers tangled themselves as he pressed me against. I wrapped my arms around his neck. He groaned and pressed me against the tree. I wrapped my legs around his waist. We pulled away for breath, and he rested his forehead against mine. His hands were under my shirt; his thumbs rubbed circles on my skin.

"I should have told you earlier, but I love you Vanessa." He said and buried his face in my wet hair on my shoulder placing kisses on the bare skin there. I pulled him back up to look at me and said, "I love you too." He smiled and kissed me again and I didn't care if he hurt me being with him right now was worth it.

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